To Heroin, ‘I Quickly Became a Slave’

BURLEIGH – The following is from a recovering heroin addict receiving treatment at Addiction Recovery Systems in Burleigh.
She sought anonymity in telling her story to protect her family:
May 20, 2009 was the day my life changed, this is the day God gave me a second chance at life. Unfortunately, my story is all too familiar to young women these days. It’s the story of a young girl on the right path, I was a star on the soccer field, I was popular had a lot of friends, always did well in school, had straight As headed for a bright future. But that all came to an abrupt stop when I was introduced to drugs. Friday night football games and church dances would become distant memories of another life.
I quickly became a slave. What started off as a few prescription drugs had grown to a full blown heroin addiction. My body and mind were both addicted; I would do whatever I had to do to get that next high. I became a different person.
I ended up in places most people couldn’t even imagine. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. It became obvious to everyone around me that I was in trouble. Because I was still a juvenile my mom had me admitted to six different rehabs before I was 18.
I would complete the program, and continue with the aftercare that was suggested, usually outpatient services and NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings. I even moved and switched schools, but I couldn’t stay clean. Once I turned 18, I even willingly went to different rehabs, but every time I would stay clean for a short period, and then the heroin would call me again.
My addiction was so much more than physical, my mind was dependent it controlled everything about me. As the years went on my life only got worse and worse, I was living a complete nightmare.
I finally hit rock bottom when I woke up in a hospital bed after an overdose. I remember the nurse looking at me in complete disgust telling me I was lucky to be alive, that I should have been either brain dead from lack of oxygen, or dead.
I asked her where my kids were, they had been in the car with me when I shot up. She informed me that they were being placed into temporary immediate care of the state, due to my and my husband’s negligence and endangerment. When I asked where my husband was I learned he had been arrested for driving the car to the hospital while under the influence. Because this wasn’t his first DUI he would end up serving two years.
They gave me an address to a methadone clinic and told me I should try and get some help that I might not be so lucky next time, and that was it. I was alone, no kids, no husband, nothing but me and heroin.
Completely hopeless and lost, I found myself at the door to Addiction Recovery Services on Route 9 a few days later.
When I walked in, I saw a few people sitting in chairs, talking and laughing. I couldn’t understand what these people could possibly seem so happy about. I walked up to the desk, strung out, barely weighing 100 pounds, ashamed and embarrassed I couldn’t even look the woman in the eye.
She asked me if I needed help and I shook my head. I hadn’t showered in days, and couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror. The woman walked around the desk and put her arms around me and gave me a hug, she said I just took the hardest step, stepping through the front door.
I could not believe a complete stranger was hugging me, and then she told me that I was going to be alright. I was so down there was no way my life could have gotten any worse.
I jumped in with two feet, there was nothing left for me to possibly lose.
My bad decision making had gotten me into this situation. I was so desperate for things to change I was willing to do whatever they told me to do.
Once a week, I saw a doctor who evaluated my withdrawal symptoms, and adjusted my dose of methadone until I was stable.
I saw my counselor once a week for individual counseling, I attended a weekly parenting group where I learned the skills to be a nurturing and caring parent. I went to a women’s trauma group to deal with issues I had never discussed with anyone before. I learned how to make healthy relationships with my children and others. I learned how to take care of myself again, and how to cope with the mistakes I had made, but also how to move on and manage my emotions effectively in the future.
Because my addiction was more than a physical dependence, I was mentally as addicted to the numbness I found in drugs.
Methadone and the staff at the clinic were my saving grace. I was reunited with my family again and began to discover who I was, and more importantly who I wanted to be.
After three years of treatment I began to detox off the methadone maintenance and have since successfully gone off the methadone.
I went back to school and am working on my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. I want to be able to help those that feel so lost and helpless like I did.
The nurses and counselors treated me with dignity and respect at a time when everyone else, including myself had given up. I felt like such an outcast from society, but they helped me find a purpose again. They guided me in the directions I needed to go.
They genuinely cared about me; I was not just another patient or number to them. I was a person that was in the grips of addiction and needed support and guidance, and that is what they gave me. They motivated me to work for my goals, and see for myself and that I am worthy of a good life, a sober life.
The staff at Addiction Recovery Services is not just going to work each day, they are instilling hope and confidence into each and every patient that are willing and ready for a better life.