Suicide: Parents Share Stories of Lives Lost

RIO GRANDE — Police scanners cackle with the sounds of distress throughout the day. Several times in the course of the day a call will be heard directing police to an address for police assistance with a suicidal subject.
“No one knows why people kill themselves,” wrote author George Howe Colt in the book ‘The Enigma of Suicide’. “Trying to find an answer is like trying to pinpoint what causes us to fall in love or what causes war. There is no single answer.”
In the United States alone an average of one person dies by suicide every 14.2 minutes. While that number is sobering, the number of non-fatal outcomes (attempts) is even more sobering. According to data from the American Association of Suicidology (AAS), in 2009, 922,725 people attempted suicide, which translates into one attempt every 34 seconds.
The taking of one’s own life is so prevalent it was listed as the tenth leading cause of death for 2009. For young people (ages 15-24), it is the third leading cause of death. Homicide, on the other hand, was listed at number 15.
In a March 2004 study of suicide in New Jersey during the years 1999-2000 Katherine Hempstead, Ph.D. wrote, “Suicide follows a pronounced spatial pattern in which rates are generally higher in the more rural counties located in the south and northwest parts of the state.”
Cape May County’s 2011 statistics are still being developed; however, the 2010 statistics show that 13 people in the county died by suicide.
A suicide data page prepared for AAS by John McIntosh, Ph.D. notes, “Each suicide intimately affects at least six other people.” In 2009, there were an estimated 221,454 people in the U.S. whose lives were affected by the suicide death of a loved one.
According to Lanny Berman, Ph.D., Executive Director of AAS, the numbers for completed suicides and attempted suicides did rise in 2009 from the previous year. However, according to the psychologist, there is not enough data to show if incidences have risen because of bleak economic conditions.
“The recession started in 2008,” said Berman, “All we have is one year’s worth of data, but the numbers are up.”
Local physician Dr. Richard Renza knows all too well the effects of losing someone to suicide. His daughter Richelle took her life in April 2001.
“She never had a history of depression,” Renza said in an interview with the Herald. “Two-and-a-half months before her death she became acutely depressed and sought treatment.”
By all barometers, Richelle, 27, had everything to live for. A commencement speaker at her 1991 Middle Township High School graduation, a graduate of Gettysburg College, she worked as a pharmaceutical representative for Bristol Myers Squibb.
While living in Cape May County she met Byran Dwight, a Coast Guardsman stationed at the local base. She and Bryan moved to Charlotte, NC when he was transferred. After a two-year engagement, the couple was married Oct. 2000.
According to Renza, his daughter’s depression swooped down onto her like a proverbial blanket of darkness.
“The depression was pretty severe,” he said. “She was such a dynamic girl. So bright. So many close friends. So well loved. Who knows what got into her head?”
Richelle, however, recognized that she was having difficulty and sought the help of mental health professionals.
Through her employer Richelle was covered by health insurance. That is, however, until one day her mental health coverage had reached its maximum. Her insurance allowed for 20 outpatient visits.
“They say she say she saw a mental health professional that day and when she went to the desk, the secretary said, ‘Sorry, your insurance is up’,” recalled her father. “She went home and took her life.”
Her father shared how his daughter had been admitted to a hospital psychiatric unit for a suicidal overdose the Thursday before Easter.
“Because of these insurances,” said Renza, “the private facilities had closed.” Hospitalized in on a psychiatric unit of an acute care hospital for five days over a holiday did little to help her. Discharged from the hospital, Renza received a call eight days later telling him his daughter was dead.
“I received a call from the emergency room,” he said. “They were trying to revive her, but that was it.”
Renza shared how 11 years later he still thinks of his daughter and her life. “I still think, ‘What would Richelle have thought of this?’” he said. “Like 9-11, what would she have though about it?”
The reasons for suicide are as varied. No one can exactly pinpoint a common reason each death shares.
“Suicide is a very individual thing,” said William Hankin, M.D., a psychiatrist.
Seeking treatment is key, according to Hankin. “A lot of people develop problems for the first time and don’t want to seem weak,” he said.
Like Richelle Renza, often the suicidal person does not have a long-term history of depression. “It can be an acute, sudden thing,” said Hankin.
Hankin said the expression, “people who talk about committing suicide don’t do it,” is a misnomer.
“If they’re saying they’re suicidal, take it seriously and intervene. ” he said. “A lot of people drop hints and don’t really discuss it. Ask. It’s better to be open about it. Don’t feel paralyzed that you can’t do anything about it.”
Seventeen years ago Ronnie Walker, a licensed counselor in Evanston Illinois lost her stepson when he took his own life. Four years ago Walker founded Alliance of Hope, an on-line support group for suicide survivors.
“It’s very common for survivors to feel suicidal in the aftermath,” Walker told the Herald in a telephone interview. “The pain is so great. It’s a traumatic grief. Survivors are catapulted into this grief. You can’t easily go out and talk about it – they don’t know what to say or can’t deal with the horror of it.”
“You never think suicide is going to affect your own family,” said Renza. You think you’re the only one it’s happened to; and you meet other people.”
Walker shared ways on helping a survivor in the aftermath of losing loved one to suicide.
“Simply be with them,” she said, “and let them talk.”
Survivors who are navigating the pain of losing someone face different issues.
“The American Psychiatric Association ranks the trauma of losing a loved on to suicide as ‘catastrophic’ – on par with that of a concentration camp experience,” said AAS in their booklet “SOS: A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide.”
“It’s the emotional equivalent of being hit by a bus and having every one in your body broken,” said Walker. “Surround yourself with support – a counselor or a psychiatrist.
Margie Rovira of Cape May knows the impact of losing a loved one to suicide and the chaos it creates for those left behind to mourn the loss. Rovira lost her 25-year-old son, Kenny, to suicide in 2008.
“There needs to be someone screaming to bring attention to the problem,” she said. According to Rovira, her son was one of four young men in a group of friends raised in Cape May County who died by suicide.
Rovira said her son was a vegan who did not take drugs and did not drink. He left home, moving to Florida to near his sister and be with his girlfriend. He lived on his own for a year.
“I think he was really lonely,” said his mother. She also believes her son suffered from undiagnosed depression.
“For people who suffer from depression, it’s like they have that underlying gasoline there and a set of circumstances gives them the spark to set it off,” she said.
Rovira talked about the night her son took his life. “He had spent the weekend with his girlfriend,” she said. “And they broke up. He drove home and shot himself.”
Bereft, she flew to Florida to make final arrangements for her son. “He left note,” she said, with instructions for his funeral. Per Kenny’s instructions, he was cremated and a service was held in both Florida and Cape May.
“It broke me,” she said of the aftermath of her son’s death. “It made me angry that I didn’t know. I had been such a good mom. Whatever ego I had about being the mother of four children was gone. I felt that I had brought him into this world and I had nurtured him. And I could not save him.”
Both Renza and Rovira are open about their stories in hope that it will help others.
“It gets easier,” said Renza. “But you never forget. I’m open about it to help lift the stigma of suicide. It’s an illness.”
Renza is active in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s annual Out of the Darkness Walk.
“I’ve walked in many,” said Renza. “The Out of Darkness walks are great. I would love to see if we can get a community walk down here.”
“Our shame,” said Rovira when asked why she speaks of her son’s death, “is the least concern so that no family has to go through this.”
Help is available for those feeling suicidal as well as survivors of suicide.
Anyone who is feeling suicidal or knows someone who feeling suicidal is urged to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273 TALK (8255) or online at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, which will provide links to the nearest crisis center. Those in crisis are also encouraged to call 9-1-1 or the nearest emergency room.
Support for suicide survivors is available in the Cape May County. A new, informal suicide survivors’ support group meets Monday evenings at Church of the Nazarene, 446 Seashore Road, Erma, for ages 18 and up. No fee is required. Please contact 425-6099 for meeting time. A suicide survivors’ support group also meets at 128 Crest Haven Rd., Court House, 6-7:30 p.m., ages 18 and up. No fee required. For more information call 465-4100 ext 120. Online support is available at www.allianceofhope.org.