Question: My daughter loves the Lord and attends church. I’m concerned because she is dating and may soon get engaged to a young man who isn’t a Christian. Should I interfere?
Answer: This is an exceedingly common issue in our churches. I tell young people in this set of predicaments that marriage is a horrible missionary field. Often women will marry an unbeliever hoping he’ll come to Jesus. In my experience, that usually doesn’t happen.
The word “interfere” suggests you are going to intrude, exert your parental authority, and work their relationship to your liking. I think the better approach is to get “involved” in her decision.
Your first task is to pray against their plans. Then arrange premarital counseling for them. For your own understanding this unequally yoked marriage is utterly prohibited in Scripture. Reference Deuteronomy 7:3-4; Nehemiah 13:23-27; II Corinthians 6:14-18.
I suggest you speak kindly to her. Share your fatherly concerns with her. Emphasize the three biblical purposes for marriage. First, marriage is a loving companionship, a unity of two people in the deepest ways possible. A marriage to an unbeliever reveals a low view of marriage. Ask her how her unity with the young man could be complete when the eternal part of humans is the spiritual.
As well, an unequal marriage puts the second purpose in jeopardy – having children in a God-honoring home. Thirdly, the purpose of demonstrating the relationship that the Lord desires with His people is ruled out. Have her read Ephesians 5:22-23 for this point.
Let me advise you, develop a relationship with this young man. Ask the Lord for an open door to share the Gospel with him. Take this circumstance as an opportunity to position yourself as a source of grace in their lives. Become an example of what a godly Christian is. I suggest you practice Romans 2:4: “God’s kindness brings us to repentance.”
If she does get married to him, then you must pivot and serve them. Once they marry then the continuance of the marriage becomes the will of God. One who is married to an unbeliever should remain married (I Corinthians 7:12-13). Though their marriage is going to be limited, it is better than the sin of divorce. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).
Rev. Charles Harrah
Christ Church, North Cape May
