Survivor Recounts Life As Victim

COURT HOUSE – The Commission on the Status of Women hosted, “From Victim to Survivor: Reclaiming Your Life after Violence, A Victim’s Symposium” Oct. 3. Dru Shelly was one of the speakers who gave a lecture on how to be a survivor of sexual abuse, depression and trauma.
Speaking about her life, Shelly said: “My father was often absent, and when he wasn’t absent, he was often angry. With a little perspective, and a better understanding of bipolar disorder, he probably was only ever angry with himself or his own situation, but his temper affected all of us. My mother had undiagnosed depression. My father bellowed at my mother about what a bad job she did raising us.”
Shelly enjoyed one friend growing up, Travis. She gained strength and support from him and his family. But when she met Charlie, things changed. “Charlie taught me how to swim and ride horses, drive a four-wheeler and shoot clay pigeons. He was amazing and he would be the first one to say so, and no one was his equal, including me. Over time, Charlie somehow convinced me that I was flaky, selfish, not that pretty, and I wasn’t a good friend. I was so lucky to have him and I really believed no one could ever love me because I was otherwise worthless.
“After three years I would do anything I could to get him to pay any attention to me at all, and in the end, I did whatever I could to avoid his flares of temper. My days ran together – six hours of school, eight hours of waitressing, and then a fight, or unwanted sex, or both, and then about two hours of sleep before it started all over again. I went for counseling. I had panic attacks. I spent the summer sleeping during the day and working at night. I went home.
“I also went on vacation to Ocean City with Travis and his family. By then, Travis and I were both college bound, on scholarships, and while I had chosen the first full scholarship offered to me, he had been accepted at Penn State. He would be two and a half hours away.”
Shelly went to college for six months, and then dropped out for a year with a doctor’s excuse. That’s when she began getting help from CARA.
“In a moment of less than fabulous judgment on my part, I convinced Travis’ mom to let the two of us go walk on the boardwalk at midnight to see the lightning storm. We were wrapped up in our thoughts, at the end of the boardwalk, unaware of our surroundings. I was talking about my fears about college. Suddenly, there was a knife at my neck.
“We were led down through the sand to the water. Our assailant tied Travis to a pole and forced me to assault him. I did what I had to, to keep us alive. I was told to leave Travis there, and follow our attacker, so I did. I protected my best friend, my brother, the only way I knew how – by following after our attacker. I let my darkness close me in.
“He drove me to Belleplain State Forest. In the morning, he stood behind me and wrapped a twisted blue dishtowel around my neck. I could feel my Adam’s apple pressing against the back of my throat. I was losing feeling in my face. How many times had I wished I were dead in the last six hours? The last six years? Too many to count, but in the face of the actual possibility that I might die, I found myself fighting. I had to get back to save Travis, so I begged for my life.
“Ten minutes later, I was listening to the car fading in the distance and untying myself from a tree. I hitchhiked back to where we were staying and told my story to the driver, who turned around and took me to a police station.”
After a court hearing, Shelly’s attacker was sentenced to 45 years. He wrote her a letter threatening to kill her. His sentence became 105 years. Cape May County Office of Victim Abuse helped her. CARA counseled her.
“My true story is that I have depression. It’s biological and it has been affecting my personality since I was 10. I do not suffer from it most of the time because I know that it is not something I caused and there’s nothing I can do to stop it being there. I own it. I’m depressed and if I eat every couple of hours, and get enough sleep, and get outside and run around with my kids, then I don’t need medication to keep it from taking over my life.
“My true story is that many of the relationships I experienced growing up, including the one I was in, in high school were abusive. We accept the love we think we deserve. When I’m not managing my depression, I feel badly about myself, and I let others treat me badly. When I take control of my life, I don’t let other people’s negative opinions get to me.”
“My true story is that I was a victim of a violent crime, and it has affected every aspect of my life. When I accept the fact that my life has been changed, I can manage my behavior and really live. You have to believe in yourself and reject any other vision of you than the one you have of yourself. I can be corrected for my behavior, and I will apologize. I no longer seek out charming people who could sell fire to the devil.
“Focus on long term goals. And to any of you that may have experienced abuse, and survived, I congratulate you. You are amazing, and I am amazing. We survived.”
To contact Barbara Beitel, email bbeitel@cmcherald.com.
For previous coverage, go to:
– ‘From Victim to Survivor’ Group Hears From Woman Who Lived a Nightmare: http://goo.gl/5kaFjW.