Father O’Malley was standing outside of his slightly rundown church, shaking his head as he peered up at the stained-glass windows, wondering how he ever got into this predicament. He said to himself, “On Christmas Eve, our wonderful parish will be expecting our usual, somewhat formal array of carols, hymns, candlelight and an enlightening homily.
“But now the church chief counsel wants a more modern feel to the service. In fact, a special soprano has been hired to sing ‘O Holy Night’ at midnight, concluding the revered event. I hope it isn’t too much…”
The father was not the only one concerned. But for different reasons…
Maisie, Millie and Ralph were three mice who resided in the rectory and frequently visited the church during Mass. All three were music lovers, and they had found a favorite place to watch and listen to the many beautiful services and not be noticed.
Chester was the church cat, who was assigned the duty of de-mousing the sanctuary and any other areas of rodent infiltration. Chester was a very large calico cat who, when turning a corner in the rectory, had to look behind him checking that his very ample rear end was following. Chester had a serious weakness for catnip.
The three mice knew where Father O’Malley stored the catnip, which was just behind the father’s bottle of Jamison’s Irish Whiskey. After the last Mass on Sunday, the father would unlock the cabinet holding the Jamison’s, pour himself a “wee bit” and retire to his chair in front of the fireplace to watch football with Chester. Since a second visit to the cabinet was likely, the door would remain open. That was what the mice counted on as they would climb up the cabinet to restock their supply of catnip, which was very important to their relationship with Chester.
The three mice had heard Father O’Malley discussing Christmas Eve with the counsel. The mice knew the church was dilapidated, that the roof was ready to cave in, and that the old Gulbransen pipe organ desperately needed a complete renovation. Maisie, Millie and Ralph were very concerned that an incident could easily occur, leaving the mice, the cat and the old priest homeless, and possibly injuring parishioners.
Mrs. Crabapple has played the old organ for many years, and secretly longed to hit the high C in SFZORANDO mode, especially on Christmas Eve with the parish in full attendance. “Like I’m on Broadway!” she thought to herself.
The SFORZANDO stop (SFZ) of an organ is a very loud, earth-shaking, turbo-charging of a note designed to have maximum effect on listeners. The organ repairman had told Mrs. Crabapple to never use the stop, as years of dust, dirt and fragments of the disintegrating roof had clogged the pipes, and only regular organ settings would be safe.
But with the special soprano being brought in and a new “look” for the church coming, Mrs. Crabapple decided to forgo the advice. The SFZ mode will indeed be used for the final note of “O Holy Night” and will no doubt “bring down the house, something Mrs. Crabapple has secretly wanted to do for years.
The mice had a plan to disable the SFZ so that the organ would not, in fact, blow up. Maisie, Millie and Ralph decided they should enlist the help of Chester to help with the plan, although Chester had never been helpful before. But a wee bit of catnip would leave Chester more than willing to cooperate.
On Christmas Eve, Chester would position himself just off the organist’s bench. Ralph would climb the velvet curtains just behind the organ pipes, and prepare to dive head-first into the high C pipe just before the SFZ was activated, clearing the pipe of debris and preventing a catastrophe.
If Ralph somehow failed to stop the SFZ, Chester would save the day by jumping on Mrs. Crabapple, frightening her enough that she forgets all about playing the last note. The mice and the cat all agreed this was a very good plan, and that they would be hailed as heroes throughout the parish on Christmas Day.
The Christmas Mass began at 10 p.m. and was nearing the final carol when the soprano approached the organ and turned to the choir and parishioners. Ralph had positioned himself just above the 30-foot organ pipes, hiding in a fold of red velvet.
“O Holy Night,” began the singer, in a truly large and glorious voice. Suddenly, Ralph was close enough to the pipe to see there was no way he would fit through the opening, let alone plummet down to break up the debris and allow the SFZ air to flow through the pipe. It would just sit there and expand, like a balloon made of brass, and eventually EXPLODE!
Ralph frantically gestured to Maisie, who was the smallest of the three mice. “All right, I’ll try,” she said, and began to climb the red velvet behind the pipes. Meanwhile, Ralph looked down at Chester, who instead of carefully watching the scene, was fast asleep on the bench with Mrs. Crabapple.
As the carol continued, perspiration was dripping from Mrs. Crabapple’s brow as she anxiously waited for the moment when she would hit the SFZ mode. Ralph was madly squirming as Maisie slowly worked herself into position to jump into the small pipe. Millie could do nothing, so she held her ears and closed her eyes. Maybe a miracle would happen…
Just as the soprano hit the final, clear, rhapsodic note and Mrs. Crabapple’s long finger wavered for just a millisecond before coming down hard on the SFZ stop, as Maisie tripped and grabbed Ralph, and they both plummeted into the small opening of the pipe and began a rapid descent through the years of dirt and debris to the very bellows of the organ, a very strange whining began to filter through the entire church.
Father O’Malley looked at the organist and at the ancient pipes surrounding her and crossed himself. A slow gurgling sound started, followed by a hiccupping sound, followed by a shrieking noise as though a thousand seagulls were in an uproar, then finally a huge siren-like blast that echoed off the walls, plate-glass windows and the shocked parishioners.
Ralph and Maisie were suddenly propelled out of the pipe, as though they had been shot out of a cannon. Careening to the top of the sanctuary, they looked at each other and smiled, as the SFZ took hold and the soprano held the same high C and the beautiful music cascaded throughout the church, enthralling the parishioners, the organist, Father O’Malley, and especially Ralph and Maisie, who managed to land safely on the back of Chester, who was just waking up and wondering what all the commotion was about.
People talked for many years about the church and the amazing events that occurred that memorable Christmas Eve. The significant publicity encouraged the church counsel to leave well enough alone, and membership had a nice bump up. Father O’Malley enjoyed his Jamison’s, football and an even stronger faith conviction, Mrs. Crabapple told everyone she felt like a Broadway musician, Chester had his catnip, and Maisie, Millie, and Ralph could now relax, knowing that their warm home and beautiful music would always be there.
